Thursday, 9 September 2010

Deeper Friendship:

When we're full of fear and anxiety, we don't get close to each other. We back off from each other. We're afraid of being rejected, manipulated, vulnerable, hurt, or used. All of these fears cause us to disconnect in life.

We're afraid, so we hide. We hide our true selves. We don't let people know what we're really like. We don't let them see the inside of us. Why? Because if we let people know what we're like and they don't like it, we're up a creek without a paddle. Tough luck. Why am I afraid to tell you who I am? Because if I tell you who I am, and you don't like me, I'm in for it. I have no alternative. So we wear masks and we pretend.


Fear does three terrible things to relationships:

1. Fear makes us defensive.
We're afraid to reveal ourselves. We defend ourselves. When people point out our weaknesses, we retaliate and defend ourselves.

2. Fear keeps us distant.
We don't let people get close to us. We want to withdraw, pull back. We want to hide our emotions. We don't want to be open and honest. We become defensive and distant.

3. Fear makes us demanding.
Whenever we're insecure, and the more insecure we are, the more we try to control. So we try to have the last word in a relationship. We try to dominate, control. It's always a symptom of fear and insecurity.

Get your confidence and courage to take the first step in connecting with someone, to go into a deeper intimacy. When you're more courageous in your relationships; you love people, you enjoy being with them.

37 comments:

Mae Manahan said...

inspiring post! I agree with everything you wrote!

Krimly said...

I am a bit fear about that but i don't mind. I can not live without deeper friendship! :)

mycherrygum.com

laura schmalkoke said...

thanks for following!

The Owl's Closet said...

This is such a great post! You're so on point! Thank you for sharing:)

TheOwlsCloset.blogspot.com

sanchez said...

Yeah. I've been rather fearful or nervous lately, and I think a relationship or two have suffered from it.

I just need to get happy and get over it. :)

lovely post fe.

Draffin Bears said...

Hi Fe,

I enjoyed your post today and it is so true.
Hope that you are having a lovely week

Hugs
Carolyn

Bon Vivant Clique said...

beautifully written. And, your blog is amazing <3

Nelah said...

That is so true, I totally agree with you.

Thanks for leaving a comment and following my blog :)

laura schmalkoke said...

yes chloè is the best :)
i love it

Ario Achda said...

i agree, this postis inspiring. kinda fits me now. thank u :)

this free bird said...

This is so true and what I can add is this: when you truly accept yourself flaws and all, it makes it a lot easier to put yourself out there. Even if you are not accepted, the rejection stings far less because you accept and value yourself.

I hope this helps. Great post Fe!!

xoxo,
Carrie

Sarah Klassen said...

Fé, this is SO true... my goodness, you are right on. Seriously... I'm glad you wrote this, as it's a nice wake up call :)

Hope you're having a wonderful week,
xo

Serah Alabi ♥ said...

OHH ur Blog iss sooo cool it rocks

Hughes

http://serah-de-fashix.blogspot.com/

AH said...

this is so true!! i miss you too! let's hope life slows down just a little bit soon:)

Gigi said...

Something interesting to think about THANK YOU
it is all true

And the images is just so fun

julianne. said...

i loved this post.
really something to think about.
i love that hatttt.<3

THE ALTERNATIVE WIFE said...

That's so true, sweetheart! Beautifully written. Gorgeous post :) xoxo

OneCraftyFox said...

This is so true!! It really makes me think...

Thanks so much for the lovely comment on my blog :) I'm having a Blog Slumber Party, please come join!!

LESAPEA MUSINGS said...

What a great post, I work with many people who are this way. I would love to build a relationship with some people but they're distant and insecure.


Love Lisa.

Benjamin Craft said...

Hello from NY. Visit here sometime... Your blog is beautiful.

Devon said...

I'm loving your blog!! Great post too x

Kendr▲ said...

Love this post,
your blog is really inspirational and I've actually saved many photos!
Keep up the awesome work, i'll be back regularly now :)

Hope you can check mine out too and follow even,
stoleninspiration.blogspot.com

CHANTELLE said...

oh fe, darling! this is too true :) lucky for me, i have a bunch of beautiful friends who love me for who i am! absolutely beautiful post, sweetie :) you always inspire + fascinate me ♥

Nura said...

You post such a lovely comments, thanks for that! I love to follow your blog

xxxx
worldoffashioninspiration.blogspot.com

Missy M said...

fab post x really makes me think x


Missy
Blending Style, Beauty and Fashion
http://thefashionfusion.blogspot.com

PusteBlümchen said...

wow, thank you for your comment. your blog is very nice. :)

WhoopyBeatrizLourenco said...

Thanks for youre comment:)...
i like vivienne Westwood and the book help me to understand her Vision of Fashion ..i know that her Creation are crazy and some of them look sometimes not acceptable ..but its just Vivienne:)..
wish you a great weekend!
xxo
acceptable

Gina said...

this is a beautiful post. i am all to familiar with letting fear stop me from being happy. thank you for visiting my blog :)

im really glad i came across yours

我 moi said...

Your post really inspired me today, I totally understand what you are saying. I keep distancing myself and my emotions from my family and friends because I fear they would use information from me to manipulate me or put me down. I got hurt once by a family member and another by a friend, which has kept me extremely distant from people emotionally. But you are right, we all need to open up for then can we allow love in.

P.S. Excuse me for the late reply to your comments on my blog, and you are welcome to post anything from my blog into yours!

Your a wonderful blogger and all your posts are inspiring and thought provoking, I love it very much, thank you again for having the time to read my blog.

xxx

knk said...

hi fa how are u

i know u pray for me

ty for everything
you are my good unknown friend

lovely post fa its really good i like it

take care

bourbon fatal said...

that's a really inspiring post, I like it :)!

Kimolisa said...

Wow! I needed that.

Luxe Mommy said...

Great post! and thanks for visiting my blog and following. Have a great day.

Louisa! said...

Yes, i took the pictures myself :)
Thank's for you REALLY nice comment :)
louisajaehne.blogspot.com

Mango Gal said...

Great post and so true!

Sunny & Star said...

This is a great post and extremely inspiring. I'm glad I stumbled across your blog.

We are having our first giveaway on our blog and we would love if you would stop by and check it out.

http://sunnydaystarrynight.blogspot.com

Fé... said...

A wonderful addition, This Free Bird :) Very true indeed.

Hahaha, you're so reading my mind AH. I really do wish it will everything would slow down a little and give me some time to breathe :)

Hi, Benjamin. Hello from Indonesia!

You're the sweetest thing, Moi, and a generous soul too. I hope everything is well with your family and friends :)

Hey, that's kinda cool KNK. I am an unknown friend!