When we're full of fear and anxiety, we don't get close to each other. We back off from each other. We're afraid of being rejected, manipulated, vulnerable, hurt, or used. All of these fears cause us to disconnect in life.
We're afraid, so we hide. We hide our true selves. We don't let people know what we're really like. We don't let them see the inside of us. Why? Because if we let people know what we're like and they don't like it, we're up a creek without a paddle. Tough luck. Why am I afraid to tell you who I am? Because if I tell you who I am, and you don't like me, I'm in for it. I have no alternative. So we wear masks and we pretend.
Fear does three terrible things to relationships:
1. Fear makes us defensive.
We're afraid to reveal ourselves. We defend ourselves. When people point out our weaknesses, we retaliate and defend ourselves.
2. Fear keeps us distant.
We don't let people get close to us. We want to withdraw, pull back. We want to hide our emotions. We don't want to be open and honest. We become defensive and distant.
3. Fear makes us demanding.
Whenever we're insecure, and the more insecure we are, the more we try to control. So we try to have the last word in a relationship. We try to dominate, control. It's always a symptom of fear and insecurity.
Get your confidence and courage to take the first step in connecting with someone, to go into a deeper intimacy. When you're more courageous in your relationships; you love people, you enjoy being with them.